Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
