I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize