That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
