i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
