The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
