Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
