She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
