Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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