If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize