After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
