The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
