Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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