Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize