can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he puts the penis in happiness.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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