Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
