I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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