I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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