I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
