EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
