she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
