i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
