So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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