I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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