Please, let me fuck your mom
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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