UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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