She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
