just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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