how can u be prego again
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It's official drugs can't kill me
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
