My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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