But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Randomize
