sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
