I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
