apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize