I just saw a hot homeless man
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize