he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
