i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
