Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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