Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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