I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
