My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
he just fucked me for my cheese.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
