You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
