Is it normal to miss your booty call?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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