my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I am naked and annoyed.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
