couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize