That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
