I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
