i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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