I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
