i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
