I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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