My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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