highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
