I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
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