I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
