Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
