Girls should come with a carfax report
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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