whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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