just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
