he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
third nipple confirmed
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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