He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
