Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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