So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
