If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
