i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
