so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
