honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
