Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Randomize
