I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
