there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
