so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
