Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
