New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
