If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
