well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
