so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
