Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize