so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
