Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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