just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I cut my penus on the lid.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
