he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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