I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
