too bad you live with your parents still
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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