I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
