it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
