i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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