i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I can't turn off my feet"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
