i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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