my vag is so smooth its legendary
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
