Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
True strength comes from lack of pants
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
