Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Drunk walkin through police station. America
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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