omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Tornado booty call.. dedication
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
