discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
