I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
