I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
