The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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