I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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