Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
