Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize