Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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