I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My bed is full of blood and feathers
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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