did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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