So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize