wanna go halves on a baby?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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