Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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