I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
