Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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