yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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