Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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