yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
