What a fucking waste of an outfit
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
